Tuesday, September 30, 2003
Yes, that moose in the shades is us. Canada made the cover of the September 27 edition of The Economist. I have yet to read the article on "Canada's new spirit," mind you, as those teasing economists only included two sentences on their Web page -- "Canada has been going through quite a renaissance, in public policy as well as its economy...." and "Exciting times, but much unfinished business, in the north...." -- and I'm too cheap to buy the print version.
However, based on what others in the press have quoted and said in response, including The Globe and Mail's Roy MacGreggor, Canada is cool given its "certain boldness in social matters." (Assuming, of course, that Prime Minister-to-be Paul Martin doesn't screw that up for the rest of us, as I expect he will.) The influential news and business publication isn't the first in the media to suggest that, but let's face it: you aren't cool until The Economist says you are -- it's "money," after all.
Who me tongue-in-cheek? (Besides, everyone knows that only Teen People is allowed to define what's cool. Oops, I did it again.) By the way, is anyone else impressed that I managed a pun and a Swingers reference in the same sentence? I didn't think so. Philistines.
posted by media_dystopia @ 21:24 [ link | top | home ]
Flashback to December 1, 1990. My Twin Peaks marathon has reached its climax: Episode 16 -- the capture of Laura Palmer's murderer. Thirteen more and I'll have completed the entire pilotless box set. It'll be my fourth or fifth viewing of the series; by no means a record, but impressive considering that I don't actually have it in my collection. (A collection which, admittedly, consists only of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, a movie I don't like and a DVD I didn't want in the first place -- but I digress...) That being said, I'm not sure whether raiding someone else's in another city makes me a devoted Twin Peaks fan, or a lame one.
posted by media_dystopia @ 02:59 [ link | top | home ]
Monday, September 29, 2003
I hope this isn't Mel Lastman's legacy. Toronto has hit the trifecta: Coffee Time, Second Cup, and Country Style. This is the only explanation I have for the apparent scarcity of Tim Hortons in Canada's largest city.
It's not surprising then that this axis of coffee and donut evil deprived me of my beloved Tims Iced Cappuccino today. My hour of searching -- incidental to the cross-town driving I was doing -- was for not. Worse than that, I had to resort to Country Style and its knock-off Polar Cappuccino -- a drink, it turns out, so hideously disgusting that half of it ended up in the trash while the other half did its best to give me gut-rot.
Suffice it to say, it's that latter half that really made my day.
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:01 [ link | top | home ]
Sunday, September 28, 2003
Either way, I'm going to give it the cold shoulder. I'm not sure whether to think of CBS' Cold Case as the show that drove me to the edge of madness with its irritating -- and oft-repeated -- preview ad, or as the show that blatantly ripped off CTV's Cold Squad, the seven-year-old Canadian series eerily similar to it.
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:43 [ link | top | home ]
Saturday, September 27, 2003
I'll be back...assuming that "back" isn't in Canada. After reading Martin Knelman's column in the Toronto Star today -- "Will Arnold kill Hollywood North? Silent on aversion to Canadian industry." -- I can picture the steroid thespian knocking on the door of the Canadian Film and Television Production Association and asking, "Are you Sarah Connor?"
First of all -- and pardon me for addressing the Last Action Hero himself -- don't make me add you to my shit list, Ahnold.
Secondly, if you're pissed with so-called "runaway productions," then perhaps you should read the CFTPA's thoughts on the subject: "The American film industry brings in over US$30 billion a year, and at least 40% of the revenues for U.S. studio movies are generated from foreign sales. If American studios make money overseas why shouldn't they be able to shoot outside the U.S.?"
Oh, sorry, I was assuming that you can read. My bad.
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:29 [ link | top | home ]
Friday, September 26, 2003
Luckily, I had a newspaper to read. Many thanks to CBS for tonight's scintillating season premiere of JAG. (Warning: sarcasm alert.)
posted by media_dystopia @ 22:55 [ link | top | home ]
Message to Prime Minister-to-be Paul Martin: Renege on same-sex marriage and the decriminalization of marijuana, and not only will you lose my respect -- assuming that means anything to you -- but your party will lose my vote come next election. (Don't worry, I'm sure the NDP will gladly accept both from me.)
There, I've said my peace.
posted by media_dystopia @ 02:22 [ link | top | home ]
Thursday, September 25, 2003
History: see "doomed to repeat." You know things aren't going well for Ernie Eves when he's being likened to Kim Campbell a week before the election. Just in case any of the premier's -- or, should I say, "Oilcan" Ernie's (as some in the media are wont to say) -- advisors are reading this: yes, now would be a good time to panic.
Just be sure to look up the word "decimation" first.
posted by media_dystopia @ 15:06 [ link | top | home ]
Norwegians? What Norwegians? How come every box set of Twin Peaks -- both VHS and DVD -- is missing the two-hour pilot? I realize that starting with Agent Cooper already in Twin Peaks investigating Laura Palmer's murder is very David Lynch-ish -- Exposition? We don't need no stinkin' exposition! -- but every aficionado of the series I've talked to wants to see that initial episode and, more importantly, wants it included in any box set.
And let's face it, however lame releasing an incomplete series might be, it's even lamer having characters reference events from the missing pilot. Just think of the people seeing Twin Peaks for the first time -- it would be more confusing than Lost Highway and Mulholland Dr. combined!
posted by media_dystopia @ 15:05 [ link | top | home ]
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
Was someone paying attention to me? The aptly titled Navy NCIS premiered tonight. I was happy to see that CBS made some changes for the better: gone is actress Robyn Lively who played one of the lousy characters I alluded to in April. In fact, minus the rotten apple, the cast isn't half-bad -- and neither was tonight's episode. Despite its JAG-style rah rah rah bullshit, the show is one I'll be watching this season.
posted by media_dystopia @ 21:36 [ link | top | home ]
I have seen the enemy, and he is obfuscation. Past doublespeak-inspired comments notwithstanding, I watched this evening's Eves-McGuinty-Hampton debate. It wasn't long before I was shaking the television, yelling, "Answer the fucking question!"
Reporter: "Mr. McGuinty, do you eat kittens?"
McGuinty: "Mr. Eves voted against kitten-eating in June."
(That wasn't the question.)
Eves: "Mr. Hampton, your party reneged on kitten-eating in 1995."
McGuinty: "Mr. Eves, why does your party favor kitten-eating tax breaks for well-to-do seniors?"
Hampton: "Mr. McGuinty, you're in the same boat as Mr. Eves; both of your parties support private kitten-eating --"
Eves: "Mr. Hampton --"
McGuinty: "Mr. Hampton --"
Hampton: "Instead of public kitten-eating."
McGuinty: "Our schools and hospitals depend on kitten-eating."
(Again, not the question.)
Eves: "Mr. McGuinty, is that what you call a kitten-eating policy?"
Hampton: "Mr. Eves, what about the kitten-eating deficit?"
McGuinty: "Mr. Eves --"
Eves: "Mr. McGuinty, thank you for asking that question."
McGuinty: "Mr. Eves, thank you for thinking that I asked that question."
(Another question? Answer the reporter's question first!)
Hampton: "Mr. Eves, what about signing a kitten-eating covenant with Ontarians?"
McGuinty: "Mr. Hampton --"
Eves: "Mr. McGuinty --"
Hampton: "So that the public knows that it can count on kitten-eating for years to come."
McGuinty: "To me, politics should be about one kitten, one meal."
Moderator: "Sorry, we've run out of time for this segment."
(Ack! I'm going mad!)
No, this is not a transcript -- I have to point that out for the dim-witted -- but you get the point, though. By the end of the first question segment, I was in the fetal position, clawing at my face. Well, it wouldn't be a leadership debate if the public wasn't left baffled, now would it? Sigh.
posted by media_dystopia @ 21:10 [ link | top | home ]
Monday, September 22, 2003
It's not like I'm naming a religion after her. Would creating a shrine -- not a big shrine; just one large enough for thrice-daily worship -- in honor of a beautiful woman I saw at an art show be considered a form of stalking? Just wondering.
No, I'm not serious. Please don't call the cops. (Gee, can't a guy be facetious and horny at the same time?)
posted by media_dystopia @ 22:45 [ link | top | home ]
Saturday, September 20, 2003
Online music file-swapping: an explanation. Courtesy of Toronto's music stores and their price gouging.
I went in search of deals on Yonge Street because of what I perceived to be exorbitant prices back home in the nation's capital. Boy, was I mistaken: HMV, Sam the Record Man, and Sunrise Records were all selling CDs -- the three I was looking for, at least -- for five to six dollars more than the stores in Ottawa. (This HMV: $26.99. Any HMV in Ottawa: $21.99. Huh?) Silly me for thinking that having three giant music stores side-by-side and kitty-corner in the country's largest city would lead to, say, competition.
And no, catching Nickelback for free -- Muchmusic's Nickelback On Much: LIVE @ Yonge-Dundas Square -- a block away from the aforementioned price gougers didn't make up for the insulting CD prices.
Follow-up: Online music-swapping may have been declared legal in Canada six months later, but I still can't condone it -- even when CD prices suck.
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:34 [ link | top | home ]
Lost in limited release. If, like me, you're a Japan-phile, I highly recommend Sophia Coppola's Lost in Translation, starring the gorgeous Scarlett Johansson -- to whom I say, "anata wa haru ichiban no sakura no yoni utsukushii" -- and the not-so-gorgeous Bill Murray. It's -- gasp! -- worth the price of admission...assuming you live in the one of the select cities showing it. (In Canada, that's Vancouver, Toronto, and Montreal. Sorry, Ottawa.)
Follow-up: The film reached Ottawa theaters within a month.
Follow-up: Three Golden Globes and four Academy Award nominations -- I'd say others agree with me.
posted by media_dystopia @ 19:05 [ link | top | home ]
Friday, September 19, 2003
Artist? No. Typical male pig? Yes. After seeing Glenn Bernabe's stunning female subjects -- friends and co-workers he asked to pose for him -- in the flesh next to their canvas doppelgangers, I've decided to become an artist. I know nothing about art and am devoid of artistic skills; nevertheless, I'm becoming an artist. That's where the models are.
Not to sound crass, but one of the women at the show was the spitting image of an exotic dancer I "met" -- no comment -- at Cabaret Le Pink. It was uncanny -- and a tad cruel. (Then again, is art not pain?)
My lasciviousness notwithstanding, I enjoyed the KOR show and appreciated Bernabe's pastels; they are as enticing and intriguing as the women they portray. Kudos, sir.
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:53 [ link | top | home ]
A star in need of a golden shower. My Robert Duvall moratorium, a result of the American actor's recent anti-Canadianism -- two insulting interviews so far this year -- remains in place until further notice. Him receiving a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame today doesn't sway me in the least. In fact, his movies are persona non grata until the ignorant septuagenarian kisses Canada's ass for his rude comments; in his mind, Canada is home to both rampant anti-Americanism and poor-quality acting (among other things). My boycott, now into its second month, even precludes me from watching -- gasp! -- Apocalypse Now. Yes, I'm that perturbed with the man.
And to think, I actually considered Duvall a great actor before he opened his mouth. Now I don't want to consider him at all.
posted by media_dystopia @ 14:57 [ link | top | home ]
Thursday, September 18, 2003
Carol sits cross-legged on the bed. Up-and-coming artist and illustrator Glenn Bernabe opens his first one-man show tomorrow evening at KOR Gallery & Studios in Kitchener, Ontario. The appropriately titled "Windows and Reflections," which runs until October 25, will showcase Bernabe's poignant, near-photographic pastels of solitary, introspective women. With any luck, pre-show press -- including the Markham Economist & Sun's September 16 cover story -- will encourage people to visit the gallery and experience his beautiful work.
That's my gratuitous plug for the day.
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:54 [ link | top | home ]
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
Wow. I've had over 24 hours to sample A Perfect Circle's Thirteenth Step and so far, I'm blown away. Rare is the album that sends waves of goose bumps down your length as you lay in bed listening to it. Between songs like "The Package", "The Noose" and "Pet" -- the next single, I hope -- I'm not sure where to direct my drool. It's abundantly clear that Maynard James Keenan had a lot more influence this time; for lack of a better word, it's Tool-ish in places, making it all the more enjoyable.
And furthermore...well, rather than blather on with superlatives, I'll sum up by saying that for someone who isn't easily impressed (musically speaking), I'm perfectly impressed. And to those rabble-rousers -- a show of hands from the professional music critics, please -- who intend to pan the album, I offer Maynard's words: "Pay no mind to the rabble." (Would you like me to look up the word "rabble" for you?)
posted by media_dystopia @ 22:38 [ link | top | home ]
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Perhaps my definition of "exclusive" is a little rusty. A Perfect Circle released its much-anticipated second album, Thirteenth Step, today. As a Maynard James Keenan enthusiast, I felt the need to buy the CD on the first day. So off I went to Future Shop. Why Future Shop? Because APC concertgoers in Canada received an "Exclusive Fan Pass" -- a glorified coupon -- from the store. "Show this collectable laminate at any participating Future Shop location and receive Thirteenth Step for only $13.99," it said, adding in small print, "Price in effect from September 16-21, 2003." Cool, huh?
Well, it turns out that it was being sold to everyone at that price. That's right: every non-Maynard-appreciating schmuck off the street looking for a change of pace from the boy bands he normally gets wood from got the deal. Thus, the pass stayed in my pocket, never to be seen by -- perchance to impress -- a Future Shop employee. Even though the price was right -- regularly $21.99 -- the invalidation of the exclusivity of my pass was quite disheartening.
So to Future Shop I say this: thank you for making me feel special...for a week and a half.
Follow-up: The album kicks ass. Buy it now. (That's my gratuitous plug for the day.)
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:48 [ link | top | home ]
Monday, September 15, 2003
Who's the usurper? Teresa Strasser has said goodbye to TLC's While You Were Out, and has been replaced by Evan Farmer. Gone is the wit, the sarcasm, the humor -- traits that made the show a delight to watch -- replaced instead with a pretty-boy with the personality of a houseplant. Shit.
And I thought replacing Anna Bocci with Teresa Strasser was disappointing. Sheesh. (Insert eye-rolling here.)
Follow-up: I haven't watched the show since the introduction of the fern. Please come back Teresa!
posted by media_dystopia @ 01:19 [ link | top | home ]
The Ontario election: a campaign mired in banality. Look up the word "insipid" in the dictionary and you'll see a triptych of Ernie Eves, Dalton McGuinty, and Howard Hampton. Like all Canadian politicians on the hustings, past and present, these three are able to strip all meaning from the English language; what comes out of their mouths is a steady stream of meaningless, undifferentiated gobbledygook. What's worse, they don't speak -- they doublespeak. (Exasperating, but at least they don't use guns.)
Therefore, I will be making my choice -- whose candidate in my electoral district I will be voting for on October 2 -- based on how machiavellian these gentlemen are. That is to say, whoever is best at negative campaigning, attack ads, mudslinging, low blows, dirty politics...his party will lose my vote. So far in this process of elimination, Premier Eves is in the lead. True, this strategy lacks the je ne sais quoi of deciding based on, say, which party leader has the best-looking daughter -- no comment -- but I still think it's a sound one.
Where would democracy be without citizens like me? (Who me jaded?)
posted by media_dystopia @ 00:20 [ link | top | home ]
Friday, September 12, 2003
Blogging on the 401. I'm going to be in the Toronto area for a few weeks. The writing will be sporadic and the editing even more so. Expect posts to change mysteriously from day to day.
posted by media_dystopia @ 09:24 [ link | top | home ]
Thursday, September 11, 2003
1-866-PISS-OFF. For the past week, I've been receiving long distance calls from an unknown 866 (toll-free) number. I screened five of them while at home and probably missed an untold number while out. The mystery caller never left a message so I never knew what it was about -- until today. When I saw the number on the screen this evening, I had to answer; I had to know once and for all who had been pestering me all week. Sure enough, it was a telemarketer. Not just any telemarketer, though: this particular cold-calling prick was hawking the Ottawa Citizen.
The woman began her spiel -- in a monotone voice (boredom-inspired, I suspect) -- and was in the process of extolling the virtues of the paper's oh-so-low subscription rates when I told her flat-out that I wasn't interested. When asked why, I said that I objected to some of the reporters' coverage of the war in Iraq. (Dissed as promised, although I didn't actually mention Scott Taylor by name.) At this point, she skipped to the "terminate call immediately" section of her script.
It's unfortunate that the one telemarketer I blew off this year -- and last year -- was peddling the wares of a heretofore respected member of the Ottawa news media. When the Citizen's mercenary marketeers hassle me next year, I'm going to have to launch into a tirade about news organizations employing persistent, and therefore disrespectful, telemarketers to flog their products. Siccing these telepeddlers on the public is hardly a mark of distinction for those responsible for informing said public.
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:22 [ link | top | home ]
Canada remembers. (Insert moment of silence here.)
posted by media_dystopia @ 08:46 [ link | top | home ]
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
I'll wear my "I'm blogging this" T-shirt underneath. For users of the basic Blogger service: "Announcing: Free Features for Everyone." For paying customers of the now-defunct Pro service: "Important Blogger Pro Announcement" (don't forget to claim your free Blogger Hoodie).
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:23 [ link | top | home ]
Define "irony." It just dawned on me that Reconciliation: The Peacekeeping Monument is next door to Fortress America.
Follow-up: Actually, perhaps I should.
posted by media_dystopia @ 22:37 [ link | top | home ]
Sunday, September 07, 2003
Two sites not to be confused:
mattgood.net: a Pennsylvania Republican's campaign site (he won, by the way).
matthewgood.net: an acerbic Canadian rocker's Internet cubbyhole.
Same name; nowhere near the same politics.
posted by media_dystopia @ 17:31 [ link | top | home ]
A lexicographer's worst nightmare. What do the words "concertgoer", "pigmy", and "contrarian" have in common (besides being in yesterday's post)? They're all words which confound Blogger's new and improved spell checker. Having to double-check not-so-misspelled words with Merriam-Webster OnLine is getting rather tedious. Perhaps I should replace the word "Blogger" with "Bulgaria" as its own dictionary suggests.
posted by media_dystopia @ 04:23 [ link | top | home ]
Saturday, September 06, 2003
Two beaver tails up. Pittsburgh Post-Gazette columnist Samantha Bennett in praise of America's northern neighbor: "It's not just the weather that's cooler in Canada" (from July 30 -- pardon the delay).
This, my friends, is a great article -- and I'm not the only one who thinks so; the author has been receiving a lot of positive feedback from Canadians, many of whom -- myself included, although I waited a month to blog about it -- have been forwarding it to friends and family. If you, too, have something nice to say about it, be sure to e-mail her at the address provided at the bottom of the page; she'll appreciate it as much we appreciate what she wrote about Canada.
posted by media_dystopia @ 16:45 [ link | top | home ]
Maynard, will you marry me? (Don't worry, it's legal in Ontario.)
The APC concert was amazing. The music, a mixture of material from 2000's Mer de Noms and September 16's Thirteenth Step -- for which concertgoers received a laminated coupon for $13.99 courtesy of Future Shop -- was amazing. I even enjoyed opening band Pigmy Love Circus, Tool drummer Danny Carey's current side-project. (Two tickets: $75.50. Food and beer: ditto. Half of Tool: priceless.)
The venue was...unusual. Anyone who has been inside the Ottawa Congress Centre knows that it is an odd, albeit cozy, location for a rock concert. Even lead singer Maynard James Keenan remarked that it was like playing at a wedding. It's amusing to think that in three months that same room will be used for a corporate Christmas party. Go figure.
Speaking of between-song banter, Maynard pulled a Dixie Chick when he said -- much to the pleasant surprise and guilty joy of the Canadian audience -- that he was ashamed of his country and his president. Maynard an antagonistic contrarian? I'm shocked! (Warning: sarcasm alert.)
To summarize, A Perfect Circle made for a perfect evening -- especially when you take into account the post-concert pilgrimage to Le Skratch and Cabaret Le Pink (NSFW). (Insert sheepish grin here.)
posted by media_dystopia @ 04:33 [ link | top | home ]
Friday, September 05, 2003
I hate it when a plan comes together. Those pricks at PRIME replaced my back-to-back M*A*S*H episodes at 1 a.m. with -- groan -- The A-Team. From Korea to the Los Angeles underground over Labor Day weekend. I'm not impressed.
posted by media_dystopia @ 03:42 [ link | top | home ]
Maynard goes to Parliament. Tonight's entertainment: A Perfect Circle at the Ottawa Congress Centre. I'm a little iffy about going to the concert before the new album, Thirteenth Step, is released on September 16; nevertheless, it will be great seeing lead singer Maynard James Keenan in action again -- I'm a veteran of two Tool concerts -- and hearing that astounding voice live.
posted by media_dystopia @ 02:57 [ link | top | home ]
Thursday, September 04, 2003
What, no umbrella budget? I don't care how good CBS' new show Cold Case is, if I see that nonsensical, rain-soaked preview ad one more time -- or hear one more chorus of Creedence Clearwater Revival's "Have You Ever Seen The Rain?" -- I'm going to go apeshit. Enough already!
posted by media_dystopia @ 04:03 [ link | top | home ]
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
Can you feel the pain? Three words: Rectal Rocket Fuel. For sale at Chilly Chiles (493 Sussex Drive; 613-241-6668). Be afraid. Be very afraid.
That's my gratuitous plug for the day.
posted by media_dystopia @ 03:51 [ link | top | home ]
Ottawa Sightseeing 101. On your right, historic ByWard Market. On your left, Fortress America. (Who says Sussex Drive needs a third lane?)
posted by media_dystopia @ 03:28 [ link | top | home ]
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
Mesmerized by the myriad shapes. I played with a Zero Fog Blaster for the first time today. The blaster, one of ThinkGeek's Cube Goodies, is a toy gun which shoots non-toxic fog rings. I found it rather amusing, especially when I was able to bounce rings off the dog's head. (Someone else's dog, mind you.)
Say, does this qualify as my second gratuitous plug for the day?
posted by media_dystopia @ 02:12 [ link | top | home ]
Kilkenny and pollo pizza. Next time you're in Little Italy -- Ottawa's, that is -- be sure to visit Pub Italia (434 1/2 Preston Street; 613-232-2326), "Canada's first Italian pub." Before you sample the scrumptious thin crust pizza or one of its 140 world beers, do yourself a favor and take a tour of the place; the Web page is somewhat understated in saying that owner Joe Cotroneo "wanted his Italian pub to have a truly unique look and feel."
That's my gratuitous plug for the day.
posted by media_dystopia @ 01:47 [ link | top | home ]
Monday, September 01, 2003
The definition of regret. Not buying Matthew Good Band's Loser Anthems -- limited edition EP of rarities and B-sides -- in 2001 when it was $8.99 and actually available in stores and online. Sigh.
posted by media_dystopia @ 03:34 [ link | top | home ]
I have indeed turned my knob to BOB. I take back anything bad I said about Ottawa's 93.9 BOB FM, the latest in CHUM Limited's series of BOB stations "playing the music today's 35-54 year old adults grew up with." Its nostalgic playlist does a great job of complimenting the music played by the other rock stations in town. So take a bow, BOB.
posted by media_dystopia @ 02:34 [ link | top | home ]
I salute you, sir. Congratulations to Canadian SF writer Robert J. Sawyer for winning this year's Hugo Award -- the World Science Fiction Society's Science Fiction Achievement Award -- for his novel Hominids. In addition to being a superb writer and orator, Mr. Sawyer is an all-around nice guy -- I've said it before and will say it again -- and a wonderful ambassador for Canada.
posted by media_dystopia @ 00:51 [ link | top | home ]